Promises, Shamu, and Pulp Fiction

So, when you close your eyes I know what you will see. Perhaps too many colours, blurred vision, but it'll most definitely be me. I type on Chiclets and breathe in too much tobacco. I keep promising myself an end to unhealthy addictions. I break less promises than I make. Make of that what you will, but it seems like there are promises that I'm making with out even realizing. I've listened to the same songs over and over, I decipher some different every time. I turned my radio off in my car and sang a song and cried from work on home. Sometimes crying is good. I act so bold at work/at school, in front of almost everyone. I have two stereotypes it seems, and I quote ,"strange and awkward" or "cute as a button". I really hope that there is someone who will see both and think of them as a quirky hybrid that they somehow find endearing. Long term though, nothing fleeting. I guess if I were to be honest, I would have to say that I am just lonely. I've been spending more time with friends lately and it has been magnificent. But, in between friendships, school, work, and self; I sometimes like to have some intimate piece of mind. At times my brain would concoct silly stories that won't and shouldn't come true, but I always still have a sense of peace when things end. But those were always just stupid boys. I often find myself missing Colin, but I feel like every time I talk to him, we are a little bit more distant. I had let myself love too freely and now I can't find peace with this. I would be exaggerating if I said that I was still devastated, but I guess I am still a bit sad. Those stories weren't silly to me, I actually thought they were real. It my own fault for investing so many feelings back into something that was barely blossoming and failed so miserably before. Its March, springtime, and I feel so much better, but some(if any) of my questions will be answered over time. One time Colin said, "I'm not trying to sound cliche, but there are other fish in the sea." That's embarrassing for me to type; trying to break the news and make me feel better at the same time, it never works. Heh, I told Mathew this and then I joked that Colin was Shamu, there is only one hahaha (even though when Shamu at Seaworld dies, they just replace him with a new one. OH the irony.) I don't know why I'm saying all of this in here, I guess I'm just being nostalgic, it could have something to do with sleep deprivation. I'm watching Pulp Fiction and I love it. For some reason though, every time I watch this I get sidetracked through out the movie. "I don't know if it's worth five dollars, but that's a damn good milkshake."