It Shall Begin. I Will Win.

Steady as she goes. This woman ain't no hoe. I think this might all be a show. I fell off my cycle, and ended up here. The notion of letting it go produces fear. But I must face the facts, its been a damn year. I should just stop being such a queer. I can get past the bullshit. I'll eventually quit. But I know that it might send me into a fit. I guess all I can do is wait and sit. Sit. Sit. God damn it, shit. I get it. Sensation is real. I know I can feel. But, feel it all away. Don't think about it today. So far I'll begin to stray. You know what...........idk.

My Day Continued...

Alright, I've been writing and doing taxes all day. The things about my taxes is...I was almost done, then I had to download a PDF opener (this computer is lame), so it closed Firefox. I am also having trouble with my 1098-T. So...taxes are at a standstill. And, I'm almost done with my paper. I am so unbelievably bored and no one cares about any of this, so I type it in here. Heather invited me to go hang out with her at the fairgrounds, but I just didn't have any time with all of this shit that I had to do.

Britany sent me a message via Facebook the other day and said she was having a love affair. I was kind of trippin balls about it, but finally today she says it is with Lady Gaga -_-. JFC. I thought she was for real. But anyways, I'm glad she caved, I knew it would happen. No one can resist the bitches charm. Not even Mathew.

I am fairly certain that Colin has done the impossible and has fallen off the planet. Its so hard to hold/start a conversation with him. He's seriously my best friend which is so unhealthy in more than one way :[. Stupid busy queer /sarcasm

Fallacies&Taxes

I have so much to do and not enough time or will power to do it.
I haven't started my taxes yet but I'm gonna jump on that today.

Not my favorite mix of things.

Taxes just ruin my coffee.

Then I have to write a paper on a bunch of argument fallacies. I'm basically writing a script about two people arguing and not making any legitimate points. Sounds fun...I lie.

Douchebagophobia

This is my new word for my "fear of fitting a stereotype"
I hate hipsters
I hate scene kids
I just hate anyone who cares that much to "fit in"

I don't care so much, that is makes me care
Like with everything else HA

I really love art
I really love Tempe
But those things, put together= hipsters up the asshole

I just gotta keep in mind what I think is beautiful, what I think is art, and what I find amusing. However, I usually find it easy to be myself. So, it doesn't really matter. Bring on the colours. Bring on the new. I've always been good at shifting out the unnecessary.

Space Balls

Quantum physics cannot even begin to explain this kind of force field. Its the kind of issue where I am about 4 moons broken into perfect spherical quarters that cannot help but show you off. I'm dancing with myself, however I'm kept at such a radical distance. There are an infinite amount of planets circling, ovaling, and who the hell else knows what those huge rocks/gas/thingswehaven'tdiscoveredyet are doing. But they are doing it. I haven't seen it all, but I don't want to. Those planets don't have shit on my planet, because I get it. I've seen a couple. Fallen out of orbit. I've joined other scenarios, quite different from this, and decided that that shit wasn't cutting it. There weren't enough colours. The sound of white noise was a slightly different amount of megahertz. Basically, I just couldn't stand it. So I came back, but your colours have dimmed and you won't play music for me anymore. Planet, you're a jerk.

Art Major &A Techie

Alright, my major is now officially changed to "Art exploratory". The next three years of my life are going to be basically ALL art studies because I am essentially finished with my general classes for college.

I keep peeking my head around the corner to check up on you. But, you're still typing. I call the phone lying next to you, but you're too engaged in work to notice it is vibrating. I slip on the most fantastic of gowns, twirl around, massage your neck, then kiss you on the cheek. You then jerk away because I'm but a mere distraction from this new love of yours. I sit there for a whole 27 minutes narrowing my eyes at you, ready to amuse you with a bitchy/snarky comment. However, you don't look up, which means our eyes don't meet, WHICH also means...I now feel stupid. So now, I take off all my clothes, slip off the tiara I thought YOU would think would be cheeky, I walk out of the room, naked, and you're still typing. In the hall way I curtsy(as ladies do), and leave you behind with nothing but my scent. I love you, but you're a mess. Go cuddle with your computer.

Contortionists, Art, & An Interview

I climbed out of a picture frame. A frame that you once thought was a mirror of all your hopes and dreams. Every time you looked back, prior to me getting the hell out of there, I was contorted into another pose. I kept hoping that instead of having to crawl out of the frame, perhaps you would just get rid of it. But you didn't, you seemed actually excited to wake up every morning in order to see what new shenanigans I had gotten my self into. I would do stretches at night in order to concoct new tactics, in order to be limber; I essentially turned myself into something of a contortionist. Now that I'm out in the real world, I realize that people actually pay money to see this kind of stuff, so WHY would you have thrown me out? If anything, I had actually made myself more desirable.

On a more practical note...yesterday, Heather bought me dinner and put ten dollars in my tank. When I got home(dad's), Mathew had finished my laundry. Thanks guys.

Today I have an appointment to speak with an Art adviser @Asu. Tomorrow I have an interview at a delivery service and I'm up for a Customer Service Representative position. I'll be making $10 p/h, getting at least 25 hours a week, and my shifts don't start until 3:45pm. Its perfect. *Fingers crossed*. These next couple of days should be productive.

A Present

I used to know this guy when I was around 13-15. I met him when I was in middle school and one year for my birthday he made me a gift. It was by far the most thoughtful thing I've ever gotten; it was very simple; a block of would carved into a heart, he had burnt designs into it, and burnt a note on the back of it. After wards it was painted to accent the rest of his work. It was all very platonic, but it was the best kind of love there is, individually crafted and uncensored.

I am not sure why, but I kept thinking about this last night. I wish I still had it, however, as a young adolescent I wasn't very responsible nor did I value much of anything >_>. I had the initial happy cry when first receiving it, but now its lost with the rest of my childhood (mom unfortunately lost her storage space in California, while dad lost his here in Arizona about a decade ago).

I don't really know if I have a point. But, if there is one its that I need to stop thinking about all the love I have lost in the world and all of the love that is dwindling. I've known beautiful people and I KNOW beautiful people. I really wish I could stop complaining and just be.

So...

This is where I blog now. It feels like a new place of residence in here. Livejournal is full of bad memories. I hope I can bring new things of substance to this blog. I can't find comfort in writing in anything but an internet journal (I don't know whats wrong with me), so...here we are. Maybe blogspot will be lucky.