Broadcasting from First Delivery in Tempe, Arizona...

Cecily lost the key to the apartment, so now we have two new keys that don't work worth a shit. I don't understand why it's so hard to cut a key exactly the same, broken in and all?

A driver bought me a power ball ticket, but I'm not 21? I think if I won the power ball...I would donate almost all of it. That's a disgusting amount of money. I don't really like money? But, I guess it doesn't really matter because I would never win the powerball. Even though I have really awesome Karma, and the world loves me a shit ton because I'm really brilliant.

I started reading On the Road last night because Drew let me borrow it. He said it starts off slow but I think it starts off fine. It's not the kind of book I usually read, but to be honest I haven't really been doing much of any reading.

I keep thinking about living at ASU and it sounds like something I don't know if I want to do anymore. But, I think it will be a good experience for me and it's not like I'll have another chance to do it. Because really, how strange would it be to live in dorms ten years from now? Creeper status Krystal (holla).

I drew a picture of Ironman last night.

It looks bomb diggity.

I'm hungry, bye.

A couple of weeks later...

Alright so, I haven't updated in kind of a long time in the world of Krystal. There isn't much new except for (I guess) a newish (more like...just "enforced") state of mind. I feel...elated I guess would be the right word.

School IS OUT and I am enjoing this....HOWEVER...school is also back in on the 1st so...jfc fuck me, right? It's alright though, I'm really "bee-line" oriented. OH ALSO DEAR BLOGGER, I totally got A's and B's again. My GPA is so pretty, it makes me blush.

Something INCREDIBLY odd...I've gotten back in touch with Kevin Joel Rozell. I don't really know how I feel about it. He sent me like...three myspace messages, which I got kind of late because...well, who goes on myspace? Anyways, he apologized, blah blah blah. I told him I wasn't much of a myspacer, and so now we've been "texting". I'm not sure why "texting" is in quotes. I guess it's just because it seems ...idk, crass? Story onward....
But basically, him and his chick are still together, he constantly complains about her..and OH YEAH...I forgot...Kevin is going to be a dad in the end of August...............yup. Fucking. Weird. It's a girl, and her name is Chelsea. Really freaks me out. But yeah, Kevin is a pretty negative person and half of our conversations, I feel like a motivational mother trying to get her son's spirits up. That's kind of mean, but I don't know how else to explain it. HE's also hitting on my half of the time and I never return it and instead reply with things like..."Hey aren't you practically married and having a child soon?!" and also..."Uhm yeah, no you don't want to be with me Kevin, we're practically strangers"....Really man...I don't think so.

On a much more bitter sweet note (I guess that last paragraph was pretty bitter sweet as well?....*shrugs*), last night...I pretty much had a blasty blast. I kind of looked sloppy, but somehow it still worked out fine. Listening to hip hop and looking at art. Not to mention the bomb ass down time. I'm only just kind of worried that it's fleeting. Because...well, it always seems to be. But that's alright...because over the past year I have learned that A. I can never stay mad at Drew. And B. He almost always tries to do what is best. So, I guess I need to not be a faggot about it.

Another (brief) part of last night....
"Krystal 2 Young." <=====Weird

Also...BarefootFoodie....my favourite thing in the entire world right now as of late. Seriously, I have logged HOURS reading this womans blog....backwards..? Anyways, it's really brilliant, and she's fucking crazy...and I love her. Her life is rather normal...it's just, the way she conveys it to her readers is just fucking hilarious. Jealous of her mastered funny talents=me...fosho.

Turpentine

I'm obsessed with this Stevie Wonder song.

Irrelevant. So, I have to cancel on everyone in California...again. Shea is going to hate me. My mom told me the other day that she has no funds in order to make my car payments. I know its not her fault but I'm freaking out because I still have to pay for school. So, obviously there is no way to go on any trip. I don't even know if I am going to be able to afford school. I wish my parents weren't so broke. However, I did fill out my FAFSA, so maybe I can talk to MCC and it will somehow apply to summer school? Idk, all I know is that I need to get on it now that school is practically over. I have to finals next week and then I'm finished. I feel like victory. Thats just how I do bitch. :p

I have to go because I can't listen to Brandi Carlile and type at the same time.
The woman is a genius and she pulls on my heart strings. If you read me, listen to her.
Au Revoir

I feel as if I become more and more alone every day, but less and less lonely. This has never happened before. I think I'm just realizing that the friends I try to keep, are not my friends anymore. However, it really is going to be okay. Life has a funny way of preparing me for things. Thank you universe :]

I'm awesome

I need to stop drinking my weight in coffee when I'm at work because then I can never get to sleep at a reasonable hour. I finished my Power Point for Research Methods, I secured my A for Logic, now I just need to finish all of my grammar summaries for French. I feel so accomplished. Summer classes and then...ASU.

I tap my fingers waiting for what I know will happen. I listen to rhythmns fall and sigh and drive and crawl. I hear the air in a lung, maybe two. It all just depends and what you do. I tap my toes in a jog subdued. Jog in place and forward at once. They dance and weep, they run and leap. I watch my limbs as they're out of control. My face, it changes in a rigamarole. It laughs it, it cries, it seems perplexed, it smirks, it scowls, its imperfect. My mouth eats your words because it doesn't care. Doesn't care of your actions while I am there. We sang, we kissed, we loved and laughed. You left, I pondered, sat and sat. My fingers they still tap tap tap. Now what I think of you is crap crap crap. Hahaha. I'm so stupid

I'm trying to blog again and nothing I write is really that good yet. I hope you (the general public) read this (even though I'm sure its not many, nor any actual constant reading stranger), HOWEVER...please don't judge me.

Whatever. I'm awesome.

I miss blogging soo...

I think I'm (again) grasping onto something that I perhaps might be able to dub as rational and happy. I came to a strange realization the other night and it strikes me as not surprising. I feel like I always knew what it was doing to me and how I was projecting and just everything that I thought I understood but didn't. I feel like an older and much wiser Krystal was tugging on my ears from my shoulder trying to get my attention. I didn't want to listen to her because my heart was so "a'flutter". It was a sudden breath of fresh air. I felt like I had been under water for months, crying, hoping and mentally BEGGING for air. Finally, however, when I came to surface, I realized that I had actually chained myself to the bottom of the ocean floor, blaming God, friends, and anyone I could think of for letting me prune in the water. Salt is blinding let me tell you.

However, I feel like I'm back to myself again. I'm tired of this self deprication, I'm tired of looking at myself through eyes I perceive to be important, I'm tired of thinking and rethinking things I say, said, haven't said yet, wanted to say, forgot to say. IM SO TIRED. So, I am finished. Its the strangest kind of bliss. I was reading over blogs and I wish I could hug myself...actually. Not myself now, myself then. I think about this a lot when I think about things that happened in my life that continue to (at times) come up when ever a scent/song/feeling triggers a memory. I think about myself at that particular time and have the urge to time travel and hug little me, or 14 year old me, or 17 year old me, or even 4 months ago me. I sometimes think about people who commit suicide and one time I was thinking about this particular thing and realized how much respect I have for myself. I was contemplating why someone would off themselves and what in particular was keeping me from that same fate (not in a *depressing* sort of way, just more from an objective stand point) and you know...I just fucking care about my life and I want to affect people and love people and just....live out everything I can. Because here is the thing; I am really awesome, and other people are really awesome....and I love everything that happens in between.