For Me

Sometimes I cannot stop breathing in negativity. I exhale nothing. It's a constant cycle of Bullshit then nothing. I anger myself. I know exactly what I want and who I love but I can't stop questioning it. I wish I were a carbonated fizzy effervescent drink. Keepin in the good stuff and exhaling the excess. Bubbly bubbly, just enough carbonation to be lovely but not too overwhelming. A woman needs some darkened bubbles, but they can't all be bottled up. I can talk and talk, but the fact of the matter is: I've never known this state of life, therefore this shit is difficult for me. I feel disconnected but too connected. I don't know where I'm at.

This love is in and out of everything good and a little bit bad. My heart slows and quickens and I can't keep track of it. I have tears and smiling. Laughter and frowns. It's everything and when I'm angry it's everything bad. Nonetheless..it's fucking everything. I've never been so respected and loved in my life. It's not even a selfish kind of love. It's more selfless than even I know how to be. I don't feel adequate enough for it.

When it all comes down to it, there's a lot going on in my life. I feel almost lifeless. I wish I could be everything for you, but right now I feel drained in life. Right now...I feel mostly tired.