Portlandia

So...where to start? We landed in the land of Portland on Thursday evening. We were both anxious and excited at the same time. My amazing/forgetful boyfriend received a phone call (luckily, while we were still in the PDX airport) that he had forgotten his wallet on the plane (XD). I didn't mind, but I felt bad for Erik because it stressed him out.

We took a taxi (expensive) to our hotel. It was small and modern. There were organic bath products in the bathroom. It was weird and cute lol. After unwinding a bit, we took a night stroll down Burnside (by our hotel and a main vein in Portland) and ate some delish Thai food. Just saying, curry is the tittays; and Erik's pad thai was amazing.

Also. Didn't know thai coffee existed (and I'm a pretty big advocate of the spicy-sweet food that is Thai).

Shortly after, we went back to our hotel and slept the night away.

Next morning, we ate some bagels, drank the MOST DELICIOUS TODDY OF MY LIFE and were then off to explore. We ended up in the Pearl district, explored Powell's city of books, checked out Portland's Buffalo Exchange, then made our way to Voo Doo Donuts. I expected an awful line but it wasn't too bad at all. We ordered 4 donuts(2 voodoo dolls, 1 maple blunt, and 1 gay bar) and ate 2 (thee voodoo dolls :}). After that adventure, we headed to closest light rail stop to make our way to THE EEAASSST. The East contained Erik's old friend (and ex lover) Jasmine. I was worried I would feel weird about the "ex lover" thing, but it wasn't weird at all. The boyfriend loves me and Jasmine was cool and not awkward.

BUT ANYWAYS.

After that we went to eat pizza (extra good) and went to the Portland Art Museum. I saw some Kirchner, Smith, and Monet. I have never seen art that famous before. It kind of blew the fuck out of my mind. I was really excited and ran all over the museum while snobby art-goers glared at me. I didn't care. Then I explained expressionism to Erik because I needed him to understand my enthusiasm. Lol. I also found out that Erik likes Asian art more than European art while I'm the exact opposite. After the museum we walked back to to the hotel in the rain. It was cold and mostly uphill (exhausting) but I didn't care because I got to hold hands with my sweetheart while we pretended to be art critics (we hate a lot of modern art).

The next day we woke up early and got more bagels and coffee (this was our breakfast all 3 mornings). We then walked back to the hotel to plan out our day but got side tracked with napping (I was actually sick the entire time in Portlandia, and I still am). After, we went shopping (YAY). Erik bought some sexy shoes and pants, while I bought THE MOST beautiful dress in the entire world. I was originally searching for a purse, got side tracked with the dress and didn't plan on getting a purse afterall. Then, we stopped in this little boutique when, BAM, the most beautiful purse in the world. I got stupid giddy over it, realized I had no money, and told the guy I couldn't afford it (sad face). The nice old man asked me what I would take it for and I told him it was beautiful but I couldn't. Then, my perfect boyfriend bought it for me. Happy Birthday to me. He's cute.

Also. In the middle of our shopping, we stopped at a tea house and there was a girl with a sloth. It was wearing people clothes and she kept kissing it. It was weird and cute.

Then, we got all sexied up to go out to dinner. We took the train East and went to the Oyster Bar. There were a lot of hobos out in the area at night. We ate really good crab and shrimp cocktail and a bunch of fried seafood. We walked towards Chinatown, afterward, and saw a whole block of hobo tents (sadface). I realized I'm quite sensitive. Erik and I talked a lot about homeless people, pretty much, the entire trip. We got back to the hotel, drank some beers, and got some much needed down time.

Next morning, we ate more bagels, said goodbye to beautiful Portland, hopped on a plain and headed home.

The trip was amazingly beautiful. We walked a lot. We ate a lot. And I have the best love in the world.

What it is, it is

I guess I should include an update.

I have the most beautiful life in the world. It's stressful, I'm sleepy a lot, but I have so much love.

I'm at Arizona State, now. It's strange and different, boring and fun, awkward and artsy, blah blah blah. I'm going to school for Art Education and I only have the smallest amount of doubt. I'm sticking with it though.

I've learned a lot about myself but I am no well-versed woman. I'm still awkward, comedic, romantic, and impulsive. I'm learning about the shade of grey and trying to be less extreme. I laugh at stupid shit everyday yet also get caught up in my own mind about similarly stupid shit. I talk to much when I shouldn't and not enough when I should.

I don't seem to have a lot of friends. My close friends have turned into acquantances. I miss having close bonds. I also seem to have forgotten how to socialize. This probably bothers me more than most things. I tried to hold onto dying friendships for too long and when I realized that they were close to dead...I realized I didn't have much else.

But...then there is Erik. He is the sunshine. He has a mysterious demeanor with a twist of snide. He's a smartass with fascinations in the strangest of things. He's also the best friend anyone could ask for. I don't just say this because I'm his girlfriend, I say this because it's apparent in all of his relationships. He'll drop his entire world for a friend who needs help. But me...I'm lucky, because he loves the SHIT out of me.

So, there's that.

Summary?! I'm a senior at ASU, I have no friends, I confuse myself, I have a knack for self-depricating humor, and I love the balls out of my boyfriend. What it is, it is.

For Me

Sometimes I cannot stop breathing in negativity. I exhale nothing. It's a constant cycle of Bullshit then nothing. I anger myself. I know exactly what I want and who I love but I can't stop questioning it. I wish I were a carbonated fizzy effervescent drink. Keepin in the good stuff and exhaling the excess. Bubbly bubbly, just enough carbonation to be lovely but not too overwhelming. A woman needs some darkened bubbles, but they can't all be bottled up. I can talk and talk, but the fact of the matter is: I've never known this state of life, therefore this shit is difficult for me. I feel disconnected but too connected. I don't know where I'm at.

This love is in and out of everything good and a little bit bad. My heart slows and quickens and I can't keep track of it. I have tears and smiling. Laughter and frowns. It's everything and when I'm angry it's everything bad. Nonetheless..it's fucking everything. I've never been so respected and loved in my life. It's not even a selfish kind of love. It's more selfless than even I know how to be. I don't feel adequate enough for it.

When it all comes down to it, there's a lot going on in my life. I feel almost lifeless. I wish I could be everything for you, but right now I feel drained in life. Right now...I feel mostly tired.