Monday is not a funday

Soon, this semester will be over and I will jump in all kinds of directions in joy. I think I've got a better hold on things than I thought. Thank you Krystal for being responsible at the beginning of the semester. Boom. Boom.
Zing.

I don't know where I would be without my pink polka-dot planner.

Honey soy time. Oh snapz.

Krystal+Stumbleboo

Ah, I think I've hit a wall. I keep getting invited to go do things, but I keep making lame excuses not to go. A lot of it really DOES have to do with work, and Mathew really DID need to be picked up from his friend's house yesterday, but I keep blowing everyone off and I find no reason to stop. I just want to lay around my dads house and be pathetic. I've also hit a wall with school. I have a shit ton of stuff I need to do and I keep thinking about it, but I can't bring myself to do ANYTHING. I just blog about it I supposed. I'm in a weird shlump of woman emotions and its making me act stupid.

If I could major in Stumbleupon and hang out with Stumbleupon, then I wouldn't have a problem.

Blackbird Singing In The Dead Of Night

Its been a long week. I have a lot of things to do. I attempted amends with people who didn't want to hear it. It was mostly my fault to be honest, but there are wounds within me that cannot be fixed. I am not intent on trying to have anything go back to the way they used to be. I don't miss them like I thought I always would. People fall apart and I'm okay with that. But not always. I told Colin what I thought, and I was a bit extreme. This was on Saturday. We were supposed to go to the fashion show together yesterday, but he never got back to me. I don't know if he is mad at me, if he doesn't care, or if yet again, he's too busy to deal with it. Number 2 and 3 almost seem the exact same to me. I don't even know if it should matter to me.

I went on two dates this week for some reason. I don't even care about them and I don't want to date anyone. I guess I just get bored and restless. I can't quite understand my obsession with loving and being loved, but I don't care if other people think its unhealthy. I can go to school, I can have two jobs, I can love myself until the end of time, but at the end of the day, I always wish there was someone I could talk to about my day. I just won't ever settle for anything that is less than what I want and what I deserve.

Sometimes I think about what if Colin and I had stuck it out, and I realize that he would have never had enough time for me. He's set on success and I can't fucking express how proud I am of him. He's doing so much for himself, his passions and for his community; hes making a God damn contribution. I'm almost envious of him, but I'm mostly just happy for him. But, I wouldn't, and even CAN'T(now) handle being second to everything he has on his schedule. Even as his friend, I feel so unimportant. I know this sounds selfish. But I feel like its also kind of not. Idk. Its stupid. It doesn't matter how many times I bring it up, I just sound like a nagging bitch. I'm tired of sounding like that, so I'm just going to leave it alone. If it gets better, that's great. If it doesn't, then its time for me to stop caring so much about how much he loves me or doesn't love me. It's exhausting, and it's not o.k.

Well, there's my hypersensitive post of the month. I take gratitude for my lack of readers.

Its Thursday

And its 7 pm.

Hai

If I could do the awkward robot for you right now I definitely would. I went on a date last night, and it was just weird. I don't really know how to act around people I don't know, so I'm just really strange. It's magnified times one thousand when my date night partner is obviously nervous. I'm just no good at this dating thing. I'm good at looking hot for dates, thats about it.

I officially dropped my Math class and its embarrassing to think about. I feel like fail. I was going to stick it out until I realized that I needed a graphing calculator and that I can't afford to pay $100 for a class that I may or may not pass.

I don't have much to report. Nothing except for negative Nancy shit that I don't want to bring up here.

Whatever

Hey Krystal! stfu. The internets is a fucking jerk and it makes my brain explode and I hate it. But I love it so much that instead of typing "internets" the first time, I typed "interest". GOOD ONE

Not much has changed in the last 24 hours. I'm at work and the guy I work with is really strange. I bummed a smoke from a lady who waited on me at Pita Jungle. She was a lesbo and was talking to this a guy about "hot bitches". The guy was my last waiter who I didn't tip. I apologized even though he didn't remember.

A Double Shot Neurotic Twitter Latte PLZZZZ?

So I'm slowly but surely reading this Miranda July book in little chucks. There are things I ABSOLUTELY love and then other things that make my brain say "realllyyyy? >_>". But, its a book of short stories so when I don't like something, it is eventually over and then I'm set on another journey. This, I like a lot.

Failed a placement exam for Math. Need to retake it. Cried about it like a bitch. The end.

Trying to get into twitter. Read an article Colin wrote about it, made me understand more stuff. I mostly just like my name a lot (ColourMePlz) and since I'm pretty into aesthetics (text aesthetics?) its helps as well. I need like..a push Idk. It seems interesting enough from other people's perspective, but I feel out of the Twitter loop. Its like a "cool guy" group that won't tell me the secret password.

I'm really excited for the end of this incredibly looonnngggg semester. I hate French, Math, Research Methods, and Logic. Wait what?! Thats all of my classes?! Yes...yes it is. I just need to keep pushing through this shit, I just don't want to. But I will, because I'm neurotic. I use that excuse for everything, " I can't fill this stats table out fast enough because I'm neurotic", "I can't stop smoking cigarettes, I'm too neurotic", "I'm just a neurotic blogger", "I have to change my major because Psychology is causing me to be MORE neurotic." I think that perhaps I don't ACTUALLY have any neurosis, maybe I have just CONVINCED myself that I do. Like, I'm using them as an excuse to display pseudo-interesting character qualities. Wow, way to discredit yourself Krystal.

I don't actually think that. I'm just pretty into self deprecating humor.Or maybe its a defense mechanism? WHO CARES. GET OUT OF MY HEAD PSYCHOLOGICAL MIND SET.

On a simultaneously high and low note. I can still taste it and it still tastes sweet. JFC it tastes like a Honey Soy Latte, and oh how I love those.

I'm very strange today